So my mother lives with me now, it’s been pretty stressful. If I thought my depression was going crazy before, I guess I didn’t know it could get this worse. I’ve thought about giving up every single day; while I drive, while I sleep in bed alone (I will explain that later), and even when I walk outside.
My significant other has already stated that depression is for weak minded individuals. I don’t think he understands that I am that weak mind. I watched one of my favorite YouTube channels La Guardia Cross, he made a video about being so worried about losing his wife to depression, just seeing him crying and feeling all of his feelings through a screen just made me think, “Wow, I would never have that much love.”
Since I’m taking care of my mother now, my feeling of being nothing has been heightened. The last time my partner and I went out together as a couple was two years ago while I was pregnant, I think I cried that day too in a Buffalo Wild Wings. I miss feeling like a princess for even an hour. I miss someone thinking about me when they walk through a store, smiling and thinking she would like this pen. Someone telling me I’m beautiful when they can sense that I feel less than. I really miss that. I miss getting dressed up. I miss feeling good. I miss romance. It’s gone now.